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| Believe it or not, I am here... I haven't signed into Xanga for months. I'm not sure what made me do it today... Things are going well, here. Haley started preschool! Her birthday is in 3 weeks, and she'll be the proud number of 3. The terrible twos weren't so terrible. But they had their trying moments... | | |
| I woke up this morning with a lot of abdominal pain and the urgency to go to the bathroom. Before I went to sleep I concluded that I had a urinary tract infection. This time, I went to the bathroom and saw blood... :( I woke up late this morning, so I got to work 30 minutes late. I'm not sure if I need to go to urgent care (no medical insurance). And pay more medical bills. | | |
| I just got a phone call that I am now $17,139 in debt.... You want to know the crazy part??! Only $6897 is left on my car.... That's right $10242 are due for medical bills!! See, I thought I was only close to $2500 or less for the medical payments. No, I got slammed with some news that I owe $7200 for my MRI/CT scans and basically waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours, then waiting in the ER for 4 hours, and an MRI for 45 minutes... Yes, sounds fair that I am supporting an ER doctor and his multi-million dollar home!! Because my employer only gives $100 allowance for health insurance, and I am SWARMED with med. bills, I can't afford to pay for health insurance... I have to use that allowance for the bills! My employer wont even think about providing health care for us (any of the employees). Only paying $10 a month on EACH medical bill, and there are about 8 now, isn't going to get myself out of debt any time soon. This news comes after my grandpa passing away, confusions with this guy, lack of sleep, lack of energy, problems with my little sister, EMOTIONS are running high, and all I can do is cry. I feel so out of control. So after I dumped all that, I am taking it to the Lord. This is His money that I earn, So this is His burden now. Not mine. I heard a neat story a couple of days ago, my friend was leaving on a missions trip and he had money that he still needed to earn the day before his trip. While he was complaining about not knowing where this money was going to come from, God was working on a plan. That day, someone called him to let him know they were coming over. Little did my friend know that this person was bringing a check to help provide. Now, that amount didn't cover the rest that he needed, but he was closer to getting it than he was 30 minutes prior when he was complaining. It shows you have to rely on the Lord for everything. Boy is this a hard lesson for me. I try to be an independent person, and my ability to rely on anything is slim to none. My spiritual life has lacked and I have a few days here and there where I surge and then I plummit and crash. I have faith in Him, but I lack putting ALL my faith in Him. And with the Lord, I know it's all or nothing. And He wants it all. Lord, you see my needs. You see everyone's needs. I place mine before your thrown. Please lift these burdens off my shoulders so I can breathe, and walk with me while I go through this difficult time. Thank you for your grace and love. Thank you for saving a wretch like me. I'm not worthy of your love. In this difficult time, I raise my hands and praise you. You are a holy God, and I know that I am not overlooked, although I feel small in a big world. Your blessings are abundant. They overwhelm me at how kind you can be- when I turn my back and doubt. Thank you for the medical care that you provided in the time of need. I pray you will guide me to use my money wisely. This is your money. I give it all to you, Lord. It's in your precious name. | | |
| I need this coffee this morning... My emotions are all over the map. The coffee will help me wake up, stay warm, and stop shivering from being nervous. Three jobs for a tall cup of dark roasted coffee. It has a lot of work to do in a short period of time. I will hold my standards high for it. I didn't get home until 2:30 this morning. Haley was with my parents, so she was asleep when I got there. But what happened from 8pm to 2:00am, I can't sort out. My mind is spinning. NOTHING bad happened, I'll just say that up front. It just reaffirmed my need to have faith in what God is doing. He is doing a great and mighty work in our lives. Aye... I wish I could just spill my gutts. But you guys would think I was a hormonal crazy psycho girl who can't make up her mind!! Emotional is what I am. And I am trying my best not to ride on emotions right now. Although it is very easy to get caught up in that. WHY CAN'T THIS BE EASY LORD??! I sense your guidance in this, but there is a rocky path that we are taking to get to the end of this! And the bumps and bruises hurt. I am trying to focus my attention to you, and glorify you through this. Satan, whatever you are doing- you are defeated already. I am cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. You will not get in our path and destroy us. Try as you may, I have a BIGGER God, more POWERFUL God, an INDESTRUCTABLE God, who loves and cherishes us more than you understand the word Love. The war is won. Bring on the battles. I didn't expect to have so much feeling about this. I think my head is more confused that anything. I know what I feel, it's my brain playing tricks I think. In 18 days, things may be sorted out for me. In 18 days I may have to go through another deep rocky road to get to the end of the tunnel. In 18 days, things may be the same. But for me, 18 days will be my time to grow. Lord, I pray that the things I say and do may encourage and not bring others down. All that comes out of my mouth and the actions that I perform I pray will glorify you in every way. My love is deep and is waiting. I have put it on standby. He sees that love, the ache, the hard times. Lord, does he know what he is thinking or saying? Help him to clear his thoughts and focus on you. I praise you for the low times because without them, we wouldn't know about the great times. I praise you for the great times, because your beauty surrounds. May my life not be about me, but to spread your word and lead people to you. Without you there would be nothing. I can't comprehend that, but one day- I will get the chance to understand. Thank you for your promise, that through the blood of the Lamb, I am saved. My sins are washed away, my burden is lifted. You know my needs and desires. I praise you and thank you. All these things, it's in Your Name. | | |
| RIP William Weideman 1919- July 16, 2007 A date I will always remember... A believer in Christ. Jesus Visited and swept my grandpa home. He is now singing and dancing! | | |
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